Winter wonderland

I don't know how to start the first blog post. It's sort of daunting, one of those things I always mean to do and then when I finally have to start I choke a little. One of many. Note to self: Stop letting fear get in the way. Look how easy this is! Why would I be afraid at all? Oh, only because I'm finally committing to something that means a lot to me (writing, letting other people read the writing) and the thought scares me shitless. What if I fail? What if I'm not good enough? What if nobody thinks I'm funny/entertaining/thoughtful/insightful/worth reading? I'm quite good at over-dramatizing and freaking out when there is no need, and because of that one of my former co-workers took to calling me Chicken Little (the sky is falling, the sky is falling!) and it stuck right away and now maybe you can see why. I am currently making a mountain out of a mole-hill. In reality this is as easy as writing an email and far less dramatic because this might not even be read at all while I'm fairly certain most people read the emails I send them. It's just that it represents something to me. The beginning. Of writing to be read. My dream since I was a little girl. Here goes. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Freaking out.)

So, the sky is sort of falling right now. I mean, it's snowing, which for me is the most anticipated sign of winter and the holiday season. I was beginning to think fall was going to last forever and we were going to turn over a new year without Christmas ever coming. It's not almost Christmas unless it's snowed. I completely forgot to get ready. Time for the flurried sewing and pasting and constructing of last-minute gifts that happens every year for me, although usually a little earlier. Shit. I'm really late this time. Good thing I've got a day off coming up. The other sign that it's almost Christmas? I'm getting a cold. My first one of the season, and I'm almost happy about it. It means Christmas is coming! I'm sort of the spirit of Christmas in my family. I'm always getting all nostalgic and making sure certain traditions happen and getting so excited I can't contain it anymore. When I was a child this meant throwing up immediately following Christmas dinner and in the middle of presents. I couldn't contain myself. Although I express it in a different way the enthusiasm is still very much there and I like to think contagious. While some like to gag at the idea, I like to try and create perfect moments. Snow, hot chocolate, cookies, carols, decorations, lights, prettily-wrapped gifts, The Night Before Christmas, candy canes, turkey coma, soft sweaters, family members, and Lord Of The Rings, all at once. I like it when things couldn't be any more perfect. Any more packed with holiday cheer. I'm that girl. I own holiday sweaters. I used to like to sleep under the Christmas tree so I could be under the lights and sparkle. I get wrapped up in the season more than anyone I know. And I don't even believe in God. For me it's all about re-creating the magic I felt as a child, about being near my family and giving them the best presents I can afford. Unfortunately this year I'm really in trouble financially, and, although I say it every year, I can't afford anything! I've been waiting for some sort of Christmas miracle (of course I believe in Christmas miracles!) and I've been scrimping and saving and drooling outside shop windows like the little match girl, and I think what I need has finally come. Snow. It's given me inspiration for the perfect low-budget gifts. It's revved up my engine and gotten everything fired up and suddenly I know what to do. All it takes is a little snow. A little snow and a little love and Christmas is finally coming to town. Buckle up. It might make you vomit.