Holy crap, I'm writing!

So this whole writing-on-my-blog thing is getting more and more rare. And, here's the thing; I'm starting to really miss it. I like writing for an audience. It gets me out of my own head a little bit. I write differently if I know no one is ever going to read what I'm writing. There's no need to think about anything. I suppose it's more free flowing that way, but that sort of writing has no universal appeal. It's all about me, written for me; me completely un-edited. And the thing about that is it holds no interest for others. And as much as I love me I want other people to be compelled by my writing. I can't publish myself.

I've been trying to work on balance. On in-betweens. Because I'm not very good at them. I'm all or nothing. One way or another. I have a hard time finding happy mediums, and I think that might be one of the most important lessons I can learn. Making time for myself and making time to be social instead of crawling away into a hole and focusing on writing and neglecting all my friends and then going crazy after a few weeks and feeling a monstrous loneliness and then creeping out of the hole and apologizing and hanging out with my friends constantly until I start to go crazy and need to be alone again. Finding some way to be healthy and exercise even though I can't run instead of giving up all hope of being in shape until I can run again. Writing for myself and for an audience (a blog being a really good example. I'm writing for a more personal audience which makes my writing more relaxed than it would be if I was writing for a professor or something. And my relaxed writing is generally better.)

For some reason if things can't be exactly the way I want them I tend to give up on them completely and want them to be the opposite. I don't really understand why. Maybe I like the conflict. Two very opposing sides don't blend well and create sparks. And I do like sparks. I like their energy. I think of energy as passion and excitement. I can't let go of the conflict for this reason, but I think I could still learn something from the in-betweens.