Late-night bourbon lips

I've run out of energy. Momentarily. I mean, really, have I ever been known to run completely out? I've just been focusing on other things. Like finding a place and getting ready to move and adjusting to this crazy work schedule. Trying to stay sane and still have time for real-life things even though all I want to do on my days off is sleep and recover and then go to a coffee shop and read and write all day. Which, although it makes me feel productive, feels a little anti-social. Aren't I a little young to give up on friends completely? I sort of like being a self-made hermit, it has a certain ring to it, sort of romantic in my mind; like Thoreau living simply by a pond so he could focus on his thoughts. I'm also reading Walden, which might not be helping to make me any more social. It makes me want to curl up in a cabin in the woods and never come out again. I saw an add on Craigslist for a little cabin near a river just about 20 minutes drive from where I'm living and it said "perfect retreat for a writer or artist," and I wanted to go buy a car and move out there without even telling anyone. Despite the frustration of not being able to get a hold of anyone at any given time, not having a phone right now has made me feel pretty good. I have limited how distracted I can get. If I go out with the intention of writing or reading no one can call me and tell me they are a few blocks down having a drink and I should come join them. I make more plans with myself and find it much easier to stick to them. I don't have anyone to talk to either, so I do a lot of thinking. Which can make me feel a little crazy sometimes, but usually is good. It's one of those steps that has really helped me write more lately. The next step is moving to a place with no TV. Although I won't be able to watch basketball games as easily I also will have one less distraction. Maybe I'll just abandon the Internet too and live completely without everything but books and pencil and paper. And food. Maybe firewood. Maybe blankets. This is the sort of thing I've been imagining lately. A life with nothing but what I need. I wonder if it would actually be as good as I imagine. I certainly wouldn't have any friends. But it's not like I hang out with people much anyway, even when I do have a phone. It's just that not having one has made me notice just how convenient they are. Life takes a lot more planning now. It's been good and bad. I've built some good habits. I've wondered about becoming a hermit. I've also wanted to cry and scream because I've been so frustrated. Good and bad in everything.

Anyway, the point of all that was that I'm moving soon and going to be away from the Internet as well as my phone so I'll pretty much be AWOL and I hope you don't need me. And the blog might have a  bit of a pause, but I'll be back. With a vengeance.